Ever had one of those days, weeks, months when you are being tested? No matter which way you turn it seems that there is a test, your patience being pushed to the limits and for the love of god or money cannot see an answer, and even they faintest ideas seems to be just piece from another jigsaw puzzle destined never to fit?
Well that has been my life since the start of the year, and the tests certainly started late last year. The events of late last year pushed me to make a choice to step back from what I was doing, allowing me to look at all different views; to try and see the bigger picture, stepping back to see where the piece of the puzzle fitted and becoming annoyed when it was not clear.
Stumbling and fumbling along a path that held no direction at all was seriously doing my head in. Try as I might, pretending to be happy with where I stood now in my life was just a lie that I could no longer maintain.
Awoken to my discontent by the most innocent of visit to a place of spiritualty I spent several restless nights seething at what was wrong, all the while being tested by the connection I value the most, that to the divine, to spirit.
As spirit tested my resolve and pushed me into areas I was not looking at exploring. After all I was taking a well earned break, yet truth be told I had probably overstayed that holiday time; I decided enough was enough test me and I will test you back!
POW! They showed me. We all look for the WOW moment in our life, that road sign that that tells you clearly where to go, slaps you in the face and amazes you all at the same time. I got it! I am thankful for it! Some signs are subtle and we miss them for me however it was the same sign over and over again, yet spiritual as I may be my mind is also logical so I tend to not accept things as being random too often. So the phone calls, the feathers I was left were no were near enough for me. No I needed it slap me in the face and I guess the bird flying into my windscreen as soon as I tell spirit off was close enough, nope I still wanted more; so the Crow that sat outside my office most of the day his eyes piercing mine as I watched him from the window finally made me accept.
Accept what you may say? Accept not to give up see I had seriously considered that thought of throwing away my passion and resigning myself to just having to work with no meaning behind it. My motto in life is do what makes your heart sing, this is no dress rehearsal don’t waste it, that’s what I was about to do waste it!
Not anymore, now with passion and fire burning stronger than ever my heart is singing once again. Do I know which way this path will take me NO! And more importantly I don’t need to because whichever way it leads it will be the right path I am following my heart no matter where it takes me, some call it blind faith I preferred to call it Inner Knowing.
We all get tested, we all fall down, we all stumble and sometimes we don’t have any idea why? For me it was so I could rest, so I could slow down and know that I don’t have to be a power house who never rest, there is more to life than that. Your test will reveal your own lessons and ones that you need no matter how much you don’t like them at the time. Don’t be afraid to test back and ask to be shown, while Inner Knowing 'blind faith' is often called upon sometimes you just need that reassurance that is ok even if you don’t get the answer with it.
Let the Test show you not scare you